Thursday, February 12, 2009

Losing my touch

I think that single mothers are super heros. Work, laundry, cooking, cleaning up after cooking, helping with homework, baths, teeth brushing, diaper changing, etc, etc.....All done by one person. It's exhausting just thinking about it!
Alex will have been gone for two weeks on Saturday and will be gone for a third week. He will try to be home on the 21st for Olivia's birthday party. Understand that I am not meaning to complain, because that may be what this sounds like. I am just really......tired.
I try to think back to October of 2007 when Alex was traveling and I called him with the news that I was bringing home three little girls. He was gone for the first three weeks that I had the girls at home. And I think that I was probably in survival mode because I honestly don't have much of a memory of how I made it. I had no one here to help me. It was just me and the kids. I did have friends from work call and check in and offer to come help with things (Pam, Dedee, Angela. You are the best!) but I was afraid all of that would add to the chaos that the kids were already feeling. The kids that (might I add) had behavior issues. Abigail bit herself, threw things, screamed. She internalized a lot of her emotions and didn't know how else to express her anger and sadness. Makayla was very withdrawn and helpless. She didn't know how to do most self help skills that typical 4 year old would. And Olivia screamed, a lot. She was up almost every night wailing like she was in awful pain. She was probably scared and didn't know what was going on. And I handled it pretty well.
That's not to say that I'm not doing good now. We are doing good. I just don't rest well when Alex is gone and after almost two weeks it is catching up with me. I am also really wishing there was someone to share diaper duty with. Lol, I know that sounds ridiculous but Olivia pooped in the potty for the first time last week and since then she has decided that she needs to poop at least three times a day in a fresh diaper only. She doesn't pee and poop at the same time, so that equals like twice the amount of diapers that I used to change. And my gag reflex has been super sensitive.
And I think I just miss my friend. It is nice to have the company of other adults but it is not the same as having Alex here.
I know this all sounds like a big fat pity party, but I am seriously ok. I feel that I have handled this trip a lot better than most. Typically Alex gets several days of me flipping out that I have to do EVERYTHING myself while he is off working 14.5 hour days. Selfish of me, huh.
I think maybe our family is just meshing more every day and we are more comfortable and right for eachother all the time. I need to add that I am so thankful for a husband that is willing to work so hard and provide for us. I also realized another reason I love blogs so much. Talking myself through all of these little issues has led me to realize that I am not, indeed, "losing my touch". I am actually more in touch than ever because God is helping with patience, determination, and relationships with my family. Alex and I seem to grow stronger because we are able to take a step back when we aren't together every day and evaluate what we mean to each other. So, yay for re-evaluations!
Thanks for listening! Now time for some pictures.





This is Olivia and her (first kiss) friend, Reed at gymnastics

Check it out: I even got some love from this potato while chopping them up for supper.

I think Olivia is feeling the effects of exhaustion as well

2 comments:

Christie Dawn said...

You are a much stronger woman than I am!! I would be on the phone every night gripping to Michael to get his butt home! From what I can tell you're doing a fabulous job! Sorry about the diapers...(I can't believe she poops that much in a day!)...I guess I'm lucky, both mine only go once a day, and Haylie's pretty much potty trained herself! Thank God...because I don't think I would have had the patience to drag her to the potty every hour! Call me if you ever need some adult conversation...my new phone numbers on facebook!

The Harper Family said...

First of all, you are not losing your touch. It doesn't take long to see that you are a WONDERFUL mother and wife. It really shows in your posts just how much you love the girls and Alex. Believe me, there are days when all mothers feel like they are going to lose it. I will be praying for you that God will give you some extra strength in the next few days till Alex is home again.